There is this idea in America that people belonging to the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community fit into certain stereotypes. If a female is a lesbian, she must have short hair and like to wear baggy jeans. If a male is gay, it’s a given that he listens to musicals all day and can’t throw a baseball ten feet. Now, although these may pertain to some people (and I’ll be the first to say that there is nothing wrong with that – to each his or her own), this stereotype is damaging to many others.
Personally, in high school I knew that I was a little different from my straight buddies. Sure I’d meet girls at parties and I soon became an expert player in the “pick up chicks” game, but something was missing. Now without going into too much detail, I’ll say that by the time I reached college, I became more open to the idea that I didn’t fit the cookie-cutter all-American boy image that I had tried to uphold. The trouble with this realization, however, was that I didn’t know WHAT I was… I was still going to church, still involved with school and sports, still the same person – but I knew that there was something about me that made me different from my friends. I didn’t know any gay people and had nobody to talk to about my curiosities towards other dudes. In my mind I pictured a gay guy as a Richard Simmons-esque male dancing around in neon tights (no offense Richard). I knew I felt a little different when it came to guys, but I also knew I didn’t like leotards and Madonna. I didn’t have anyone to RELATE to in terms of finding someone “like me.” Most of what I saw from gay people were video news clips from Pride Parades, or sections in TV shows (most of which were negative or obnoxious).
I don’t want to go on and on about my life and my story. If you want to know more about the specifics of my “coming out,” there’s another section on that. My purpose for writing this one is to help people realize, specifically those that perpetuate these stereotypes, that you cannot put an entire minority group into a generalized category, especially one that serves as a catalyst for hatred and bias. I have met many straight guys that like watching chick flicks, that spend 20 minutes doing their hair (reminds me of the Jersey Shore show), and that can’t play sports to save their lives. I have met many lesbian females that are beautiful, and “girly” in every sense of the word. Some gay guys I know rock it at football, hate techno music, and walking down the street you would never say, “I think that dude is gay.”
So what can we learn from this? Well for one, if you are someone who thinks that all gay people fall into the aforementioned categories, I hope you realize that you are greatly mistaken. Second, if someone IS the type of person that you would picture as the stereotypical gay male or female, who cares? It’s how they were born, and it’s how they live their lives. It doesn’t affect you. End of story. Go about living your life in the way that most satisfies you, and as long as the LGBT population isn’t breaking into your house to give you a makeover (sarcasm), leave them alone. I truly believe that when the majority of straight America realizes that the LGBT population is just as boring and “normal” as they are (raising kids, walking the dogs on a Saturday morning, working as doctors and teachers, paying the energy bill each month), then they will me more willing to accept the idea that LGBT people deserve the same legal rights as everyone else. Until then, change will only come with education and demonstration. What can you do if you’re an LGBT person? Just go out there and BE YOURSELF. Have conversations with people about your life. Don’t be afraid to show them who you really are. And be as just as willing to listen as you are to talk.
Here’s a good article written by a senior writer and columnist for CNN.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/04/06/granderson.gay.lifestyle/index.html?hpt=C2
Also, here’s another great article from Rob Thomas (Matchbox Twenty) dealing with this topic.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rob-thomas/the-big-gay-chip-on-my-sh_b_208183.html
uhmm idk if ur gonna see this or not, but i just wnted to say thank you..
It’s crazy how you mention those that breakaway from the stereotypes because when you said “Some gay guys I know rock it at football, hate techno music, and walking down the street you would never say, ‘I think that dude is gay.’” I instantly thought of you.
I remember looking at MTV’s website at the Real World: DC trailer days before the first episode. I had and still have this suspicion that every year the producers puts at least one gay or bisexual guy in the house…looking back at the past several years I think its safe to say I’m right. But RWDC was the first time I was thrown for a loop. I honestly thought the gay guy in the house would be Josh. But when you basically came out to your roommates on the first episode, I was in shock. You are the an example of the anti-stereotype of the typical gay (or in your case Mike-sexual) man.
Just thought I’d share my thoughts with you
.
i respect you
I think that your doing amazing things mike and i appreciate the things u are doin for others in the world…unlike other reality stars your doin something for The world and it is greatly appreciated
Thank you Mike! You help to bring awareness to LGBT issues that need to be addressed but aren’t. By watching you on the show, I gained enough confidence in myself to truely be “myself” and come out to all of my friends and family. Thanks again for all that you do and keep up the great work!
I truly appreciate all that you are doing Mike. Just when I thought the real world was getting old someone like you comes along that really wants to make a difference. You are a true inspiration for equal rights. You give me hope about our future.
Thank you!!!
Great post! Personally I was in the same boat you were in. Top 50 in Illinois soccer player and captain of the team for all four years in high school. No one knew my real feelings about how I felt sexually, not even me. I was great at “picking-up chicks” game that we played at house parties but I knew as you did that it wasn’t as fun as it should of been. To think that I can tell my team about how I was feeling would of been devastating and scary.
So skip to years later and watching you on t.v it was the exact time that I was standing up and understanding what my feelings were. I came out on National Coming Out day in Nov.
This isn’t about my story, I wanted to give you a little background on the reason for my post. I still feel a bit weird even after I came out because I don’t fit the gay stereotype. When I tell people they look as if I’m totally joking. Even when I go to boystown (here in Chicago) They look at me as if I should belong to another bar. They think that it is the new “IT” thing to do is to say your gay or something. I can’t believe since I love and play sports and tend to use the word dude alot that I’m not gay. It works both ways. Generally it’s the other way around for people to think “oh wow that guy is gay, just look at his mannerisms.” But for me I feel I don’t fit in the gay scene but more in the straight sports bar scene. Well anyway I just want to say it happens in all facets of stereotypes people and how it makes everyone feel pretty sh*tty.
Take care Mike, Keep up the outstanding work!!
Wow such a smart post and even as a bisexual female this is exactly the problem I deal with the most..Thank U for this I am recommending everyone check out your site!
thanks again!
Hey mike, Just wanted to say your blog is amazing. Also I recently came out as bisexual to all my friends (some family but not all) and I can honestly say that it was watching you on the Real World that helped me accept who I am.
I guess I just wanted to thank you, you are a real role model for the LGBT community.
Christian
Hey Mike,
You are a Great role model!!
Thank you
I know that you must have had a lot of guys comming out to you in the last few months. I have struggled with my sexuality for years. I have lost many close friends because of this. I am losing hope. What do I do
Great site and information. Thanks for going above and beyond the call of duty!
O my god mike you are my hero in so many ways. So many times ive had strong thoughts of suicide and you have given me courage to wash them aside an go out into world. I am christian and so I am faceing a conflict on the inside daily about how I should go about things. My family is also christian an says cruel things about gays and I would be the unlucky one who happens to be in same room as them. I do live a double life atm and my school is also anti gay so ya im just waiting to graduate an leave all of it behind. Until then i look to people like you for hope. I will read rest of site tonight prolly lol. O and i think ure so hot >.<
Mike, I just wanted to take the time to thank you for being yourself on the show and I figured a post like this was the perfect place to do so. When I first saw the show I immediately identified with you as I am bi, but at the time I was not out of the closet. I felt that I needed to decide what label to bestow upon myself before telling my friends. The problem was, I myself was unsure. In the end, I told my friends that I am attracted to guys am also attracted to some women and open to the possibility of falling for one. So thanks for showing everyone that labels should be ignored and everyone should simply strive to be themselves. I’m sure you’ve affected more lives than you’ll ever know
Great text
Hye,
I’m not from the us, and I know you from tv of course.
I’m having some problems and questions and I tought maybe you could help me because I really don’t know with who I have to talk about it. And you look so confidend.
Maybe it was stupid of saying this
Hey Mike,
I just wanted to thank you for all the hard work you’re doing for our country and the LGBT community and what a great role model you are for all those (including me) who have trouble with their sexual identity. This post means so much to me because it relates to me in more ways than just the “gay” stereotype. I know exactly what you mean by not finding anybody to relate to whose “like you” but I’m african american as well and because people see me as being “well-spoken,” I’m labeled different in that sense too. So I guess you can imagine how only a select few of my friends reacted when I came out to them. But again, I’m glad there is someone out there who is confident in themselves and has a good head on their shoulders representing a community of people that have been bashed, harrassed, and denied equal opportunities for far too long. I hope you continue to inform those who are ignorant, inspire those who feel worthless, and befriend those who feel lonely so thanks again for all your hard work!
Babe, I haven’t been on your site for a while and I’m just amazed when I do come on and see what you are up to. I am so very proud of your writings and HOPEFULLY, you are motivating people to hop on board as an advocate/ally for LGBT issues. I just love how you keep it real and honest! Love you, MOM
I really think so too. I have been surfing around the internet for a while today, and its really hard to find anything interesting to read on blogs. Maybe its because there are too much of them around =) But your site actually keeps catching my attention. Great stories, and kawai design ^__^. Ill be sure to give it more visits now =)
Nightline was showing a straight camp called Journey to Manhood. I put this here because it is about change. I just saw it tonight. They were talking to these people and they were trying to get rid of their attraction to men. They also had the other side saying that it is bad to try to change yourself. They didn’t talk about that as much as getting rid of it though. These people at this camp made homosexuality sound horrible and it is not going to help us. I had to tell you because you might have missed it. I have a strong opinion as to why anti gay people might want this story out but I won’t share that because people will say I am jumping to conclusions. Like you I want equality for all people but this did not help our cause.
Hi Mike,
Thank you for all you do in encouraging human rights. You make a strong argument when you say, “it’s how they live their lives. It doesn’t affect you… leave them alone.” Focusing on whether something causes harm gives a stronger basis for rights than mentioning whether someone was born a certain way.
As an actor, you play both straight and gay parts. What do you change in how you act in order to make those characters believable?
Derrick
^^^ was totally right
Please approve this comment =P
Hi Mike,
I just wanted to say thank you for all your work and for just being an inspiration for a lot of people. I got to see The Real World in May 2011 and I was very happy that you were on the show. I admire your work for the LGBT community and I wish you the best of luck.
All the best from Romania! cheers!
Clarine Salera
wP83Qu The topic is pretty complicated for a beginner..
I found a video of this lady who sounds really nice and talks about some methods that she used to turn her life around and start a new life with a specific income system. Anyway, the video is free so I thought I would provide a link to it here. Also, she does promote an advanced system to use and I noticed that if you close out the page with the video on it, it will ask you to stay on the page for a bonus and if you do, you can get the advanced package for $39 instead of $49. I got enough out of the free video, personally, so I can’t really tell you what the advanced methods are but I think it involves some free traffic secrets and methods that anyone can use. Here’s the link to her video: http://goo.gl/LjqbM